Second Life
by Nona Mousy
Summary: Post ROTF – in a moment of absolutely clarity he knows that the words they say are not the words they mean


Second Life

Post ROTF - in a moment of absolutely clarity he knows that the words they say are not the words they mean

* * *

People are always watching him now.

Some of them try to be subtle. There is a girl in his calculus class that always comes in late and sits two rows behind him, three to five seats to one side or another. He wonders what she thinks watching him all the time, considers some days getting up and asking but never does.

Some of them don't bother with discretion. The group of frat boys when he enters the cafeteria one afternoon stare blatantly, talk loudly and one or two even point. He overhears the words "freak", "crazy", and "aliens" between loud forced laughter and snickering. He does not need to ask to know that they are afraid of him. Before the _incident_ their mocking would have bothered him, but these days it only draws out a sense of tired pity.

_You are small and young and cannot know better._

Bumblebee makes rounds on campus when he isn't with Sam. Most of the students can't tell him apart from any other yellow camaro and the handful of the cars that belong to other students or faculty get a wide berth. Some of their owners seem amused, pleased maybe to never have to hunt for a parking space now, but he's caught at least one of them eying their own car a bit warily when they approach.

Leo finds this hysterically funny, and about once a week corners Bee in an attempt to convince him that it would be a really great idea for the Autobot to actually replace one of the cars and take their owner out for a joyride. So far, Bee has been patient in his refusals, but Sam suspects that if Leo doesn't let it go soon that the camaro will start avoiding him.

They're all subdued these days. The weight of the world's knowledge is heavy, and Bee knows as well as Sam just how much scrutiny they're under. How much some people want them gone. How little it would take to inspire demands from politicians and governments.

"You're on thin ice, boy." Simmons would tell him when he saw the man. "Don't go screwing this up just to make friends."

Bee's presence on campus has prevented a permanent military guard around the university, though Sam would be surprised if some agency or another didn't have a contingent of people watching him anyway. In lieu of military bodyguards he has a weekly check in with NEST.

Sometimes Will comes, but more often he's busy and its Epps or Simmons, who isn't officially NEST personnel but is back on the military payroll and working with them.

Sam thinks he'll probably never like the man, but the ex-Sector Seven agent has been helpful to them in his own uniquely paranoid way and seems to at least appreciate that they all need to be on the same side now. He's pretty sure that Simmons regards him as more of a science experiment than a person these days but as with the frat boys, Sam can't find it in himself anymore to really hold it against the man.

Michaela visits often.

One of the Arcee collective has been permanently assigned to her and she usually has Wheelie in tow as well. The former decepticon has never liked him, but now the mini-bot is afraid of him as well, though he's not a sophisticated enough mech to understand why. Mostly Sam strives to ignore the RC car, but it can be challenging with the little thing always trailing after Michaela like some kind of demented attack dog, running over people's feet and honking at bicycles and skateboards.

Michaela finds this cute and endearing. Most everyone else is of the opinion that its harmless if extremely annoying. Sam takes a small sadistic pleasure in setting Mojo on the bot when the chihuahua is around, but otherwise refrains from interacting with him. Its not as hard as it might be. Wheelie tends to avoid him, and keeps Michaela between himself and Sam on the occasions they have to be in the same space.

Most times, when she visits Michaela stays the night and Sam is grateful of the warmth, the reality of her when she does. She reminds him what being human feels like and for as long as she's with him he finds he can just sink down into his own body and simply exist for awhile.

He tells her he loves her everyday.

Most of the time he means it.

His textbooks are filled with Cybertronian shorthand. The explosive drama of warning messages has passed but there is information still floating somewhere in the back of his mind that slips out when triggered. Physics is the worst. Half the book is marked out and the margins are overflowing with notes and corrections.

_We are so new to the universe_

He's pretty sure that if the government had any way of translating the symbols that all his books would be confiscated in a heartbeat but the language is like nothing on earth and other than Sam himself there is not a human on the planet capable of reading it. That Sam can understand it at all these days and not just transcribe it is something that is known to perhaps three people on the planet and only one of them was born on Earth.

English is the only exception to the foreign input and he's never appreciated a subject so much in his life. Its the only class he has where he can sit and pretend to be normal for awhile. Some days the class is all that gets him out of bed in the morning. Classical literature, not a subject he's ever held any real interest in, suddenly takes on a whole new appeal.

Nights are strange and disorienting, filled with dreams of other worlds and other lifetimes. Far off stars and far off skies. Worlds built and worlds destroyed.

In the dark its harder to be a person. To remember who he is and what he's doing.

Sometimes ancient beings stand before him and tell him that he has earned the right to wake Prime and for a moment of absolutely clarity he knows that the words they say are not the words they mean.

_We have watched you your whole life._

No, he thinks, not him. The other him.

He wakes and the clarity fades and he thinks... knows with that same surety that he's dieing.

That he already has.

Those nights he walks down the stairs and out to Bumblebee, who is always there. Who always knows.

Each of the Autobots choose to communicate with their own interpretation of the human language. Sam can count the number of times that Bee has used a synthesized voice to speak to him on one hand. He had believed once upon a time that it was just the bot choosing to be difficult, but chopping radio clips is how his guardian first communicated with humans and even once he was able Bee had never developed a voice that he was more comfortable with than the audio bites.

They drive out of town, out on old dirt roads until the stars are bright and clear and he sits with his friend and guardian and listens to the hums and clicks and vibrations that are Bumblebee's voice so much more than mere human words.

It should be strange, to be lulled by an alien voice, but there is peace to be found away from the demands of organic life. Here for a moment he can forget what it is to be human.

_No sacrifice, no victory._

Someday the others will notice.

The dream he's living will thin and Michaela will want to know why he seems distant or he will forget himself and Simmons' sharp eyes will see him fail to flinch at spilled coffee. Optimus will hear it in his voice, or Ratchet will catch it with a scan. He will give in to the desire to ask Sideswipe what has become of his brother or Arcee what has happened to fuse her to Chromia and Elita One.

Someday he will stop pretending to be alive.

But for now there is a the memory of himself and the warmth of his own breath and Bee there to sing him to sleep when the part of him that still believes that its human is afraid.

* * *

Author's Notes: Dark and f---ed up. Because I felt like it.

One of these days I swear I'm going to write something with a happy ending.

Probably.

Maybe.

I'll think about it anyway.

Second movie was a little flat for me. It needed more Autobots. And more Soundwave. And something to run over "the twins"(I am very very disapointed in you Devestator. I had high hopes!). It did make me wonder if the writers weren't reading a little too much fanfiction because seriously.... how many Sam is the Allspark fics are there out on the interwebs now? But anyway. There's probably some continuity and dialog errors in the fic, but there were so many holes in the movie I think I can be foregiven. PS. Where the hell was Barricade g-dammit?


End file.
